this video is awesome, this song is awesome, aubrey plaza is awesome

JESUS CHRIST, GIRL

I AM GOING TO SEE NICK OFFERMAN TOMORROW!!!

tomorrow i will drive to ames with my friends mike and jeremiah and we will go sit in the third row of an auditorium at the university and on the stage will be... NICK OFFERMAN!!!

omg i'm so fucking excited!!!

so it seems appropriate to post tonight all the little offerman tidbits (mmm... offerman tidbits...) that i have collected from the google alerts i get about him each day

first of all:

 

 SHIRTLESS!!!

ok, take a minute to compose yourself...

so i guess he did a show at largo in l.a. recently in which he removed his shirt... please please please please please let this happen tomorrow, i will never ask for anything else in life ever

my god he is a beautiful man

this girl is apparently as obsessed with offerman as i am... her post makes me really excited about the show, it would be AMAZING if megan was there, but i don't think she will be... this tumblr girl notes how one of nick's many attractive qualities is that "he hero-worships his wife"... it's so true, in almost every interview he gives he manages to slip in a line or two about how amazingly talented and beautiful his wife is... it's so hot

speaking of megan and speaking of hot, how banging is she in this picture?

yum.

nick and megan were recently at sundance for their movie "smashed" and this happened:

SHIRTLESS AGAIN!!!

oh, nick, you are so funny! also, that scarf looks hand-knit... i'm going to tell myself that megan knit it for him b/c that thought makes me happy

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? it's pretty much the best thing ever for many reasons, including these: offerman is hotter than ever and megan says "darwin was a douche"... it merits several screen shots, enjoy:

anywho...

i'm wicked excited for the show tomorrow... my most recent offerman google alert led me to a report on a show he did the other night at ohio state... apparently there will be a lot of sex talk, much to my delight...

"I want to assure you that most handcraft disciplines are not nerdy, they are actually super sexy," Offerman said. "Handcrafts take a little patience and a little practice, not unlike the art of oral sex."

"We would kneel face-to-face and pray for the strength to resist, all the while drinking deep of each others musk … then we would fuck," Offerman said. "We would scrump and munch upon one another with pure animal abandon, and then we would cry some more and pray for forgiveness."

and of course, hero-worship of his wife...

"I don't know what I did to end up with a ridiculously hot goddess as my bride," Offerman said. "But I do know that it helps that I'm helplessly devoted to her. It's cute, it's sappy, suck it."

AND THIS: 

"Offerman also encouraged students to listen to Tom Waits, read Wendell Berry, and stay away from  mirrors. 'All the companies that sell you shit, the mirror is their conduit into your house,' Offerman said. 'Guess what people, you're fucking beautiful. Quit looking in the mirror and go make a goddamn chair.'" 

IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE GOING TO A CHURCH WHERE THE MINISTER IS SUPER HOT AND HAS REALLY AWESOME THINGS TO SAY

omg i'm so fucking excited!!!

i'm gonna bring my copy of american craft magazine (thanks, danielle!) (offerman's on the cover of the recent issue) in case i get the opportunity to have him sign something... i'm also going to give him some tomato seeds from work because i think he will appreciate them and i'm a nerd

btw: i know this post makes me look like a crazy stalker fan, whatevs

ps: "bowling for votes" was probably the best parks&rec episode ever

"this bowling alley has my favorite restaurant in pawnee" - ron

guess what? more resolutions!

i forgot to include these things on my resolution list (i know it’s already a very long list, but these things are important and btw, i’m thinking that this resolution list will last me a few years anyway)

(1) host more parties… i’m thinking a party per season

i did have a party this month… i had wanted to have a holiday party but that didn’t happen (in a town like this it’s especially difficult to schedule a holiday party b/c every weekend of the holiday season is already taken up by someone’s annual shindig... this isn’t a bad thing of course, but it’s true)… i mostly wanted people to come over and appreciate my christmas tree before i took it down… and then i noticed friday the 13th was coming up and that seemed like a good night for a party (and my tree just barely hung on until then)… i was worried about having an indoor party (i’ve only ever had one other big party here and it was my birthday party which is in june so the party was outside)… my house is so small and i ended up inviting like a hundred people… of course they didn’t all come, but many did… but we all fit and it was a great party…

the menu: white wine sangria, 7-layer bean dip, my famous greek cheese ball, onion dip, pickles, cream cheese brownies, goat cheese and ground cherry jam, and i tried to make a jello mustache with the mustache mold my friend gave me but i failed (note to self: master the art of jello molds)

here are some pictures! (look, girls, i posted to flickr! not the pics you were probably hoping for, but they’ll come, really i promise)

my next party will be a “bridesmaids, brownies, and booze” party… i wanted to organize this when bridesmaids was in the theater but that didn’t happen... but i’ve been talking it up a lot recently so i need to make it happen

other party plans: brunch party! and “good crafternoon!” (this will be a crafting party obs and i plan to have many of them… i want to have one under the big burr oak in the community prairie)

a note on parties: i love hostessing… however, while i enjoy having people in my house, it’s a little difficult for me when they touch my stuff… i have a lot of beloved knick knacks and i’m very particular about how they are placed in my space… of course i love to have people appreciate my things, but it’s so strange to me that someone would pick an object up and then just put it randomly down in a different place or position… however, i realize this makes me a little crazy… i have enough perspective to recognize that the enjoyment i get from having guests is more important than the minor anxiety it causes me when i see that my refrigerator magnets have been rearranged (that’s super crazy that that bothers me, right?)… it's good for me to have people touching my stuff, it’s a practice in letting go of this silly quirk of mine… but i do go around the entire house afterward and put everything back in it’s proper place :)

(2) be better about picking up after myself…

i often let folded laundry sit on the couch for way too long and stuff is always piling up on the dining table and pretty much all other surfaces and i am the worst about putting my dirty clothes in the hamper… i love it when the house is neat, the clutter drives me nuts… it gets to where i feel anxious and then it takes me like an entire day to clean the house… but i get lazy and don’t put my makeup away after i’m done playing with it and it sits on the bathroom sink for a week and once there’s a little bit of clutter it seems to attract more clutter… and i’m always like, “self, if you would just take the extra two seconds to put things away, the clutter wouldn’t build up!”… i need to start listening to myself

(3) get involved in occupy decorah

yep, there’s an occupy decorah… my brother really enjoyed learning about this when i was home at chistmas and when i showed him the picture of the small circle of people holding signs in front of the court house, he found it very funny (but he also really appreciated it)… it might be a small group, but it’s growing… there are some awesome people getting together with the hope of making positive change and i totally support that… they meet on saturdays though and i always forget to go… and also, getting involved in occupy is in conflict with my “don’t take on any more commitments” resolution… but i’d like to be involved in some way

(4) be more like leslie knope, duh

"you know what? no i’m not... i'm not sorry... this guy, he was drunk and he was aggressive and he was rude and he was foul-mouthed and he called me by my second least favorite term for a woman... and my campaign manager punched him... i have to be honest, it was awesome, and my campaign manager and i made out a lot afterward..."

also, be a little bit more like liz lemon, double duh

OH HEY GUYS, PS: if you were at my party and touched my stuff, please do not take offense, i'm so glad you are my friend and you can come over and move my stuff around whenever, i recognize that this whole deal with needing to have all my knick knacks in place is wicked crazy