i'm really glad nick offerman reminded me that i am beautiful and to stop looking in the mirror b/c i was picking at my face a little today and i have a red spot on my chin and i've been breaking out a lot lately and i might be feeling kinda bad about myself but i'm not... i have my outfit all picked out for tomorrow and it's really cute... ok, to bed!

this video is awesome, this song is awesome, aubrey plaza is awesome

JESUS CHRIST, GIRL

I AM GOING TO SEE NICK OFFERMAN TOMORROW!!!

tomorrow i will drive to ames with my friends mike and jeremiah and we will go sit in the third row of an auditorium at the university and on the stage will be... NICK OFFERMAN!!!

omg i'm so fucking excited!!!

so it seems appropriate to post tonight all the little offerman tidbits (mmm... offerman tidbits...) that i have collected from the google alerts i get about him each day

first of all:

 

 SHIRTLESS!!!

ok, take a minute to compose yourself...

so i guess he did a show at largo in l.a. recently in which he removed his shirt... please please please please please let this happen tomorrow, i will never ask for anything else in life ever

my god he is a beautiful man

this girl is apparently as obsessed with offerman as i am... her post makes me really excited about the show, it would be AMAZING if megan was there, but i don't think she will be... this tumblr girl notes how one of nick's many attractive qualities is that "he hero-worships his wife"... it's so true, in almost every interview he gives he manages to slip in a line or two about how amazingly talented and beautiful his wife is... it's so hot

speaking of megan and speaking of hot, how banging is she in this picture?

yum.

nick and megan were recently at sundance for their movie "smashed" and this happened:

SHIRTLESS AGAIN!!!

oh, nick, you are so funny! also, that scarf looks hand-knit... i'm going to tell myself that megan knit it for him b/c that thought makes me happy

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? it's pretty much the best thing ever for many reasons, including these: offerman is hotter than ever and megan says "darwin was a douche"... it merits several screen shots, enjoy:

anywho...

i'm wicked excited for the show tomorrow... my most recent offerman google alert led me to a report on a show he did the other night at ohio state... apparently there will be a lot of sex talk, much to my delight...

"I want to assure you that most handcraft disciplines are not nerdy, they are actually super sexy," Offerman said. "Handcrafts take a little patience and a little practice, not unlike the art of oral sex."

"We would kneel face-to-face and pray for the strength to resist, all the while drinking deep of each others musk … then we would fuck," Offerman said. "We would scrump and munch upon one another with pure animal abandon, and then we would cry some more and pray for forgiveness."

and of course, hero-worship of his wife...

"I don't know what I did to end up with a ridiculously hot goddess as my bride," Offerman said. "But I do know that it helps that I'm helplessly devoted to her. It's cute, it's sappy, suck it."

AND THIS: 

"Offerman also encouraged students to listen to Tom Waits, read Wendell Berry, and stay away from  mirrors. 'All the companies that sell you shit, the mirror is their conduit into your house,' Offerman said. 'Guess what people, you're fucking beautiful. Quit looking in the mirror and go make a goddamn chair.'" 

IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE GOING TO A CHURCH WHERE THE MINISTER IS SUPER HOT AND HAS REALLY AWESOME THINGS TO SAY

omg i'm so fucking excited!!!

i'm gonna bring my copy of american craft magazine (thanks, danielle!) (offerman's on the cover of the recent issue) in case i get the opportunity to have him sign something... i'm also going to give him some tomato seeds from work because i think he will appreciate them and i'm a nerd

btw: i know this post makes me look like a crazy stalker fan, whatevs

ps: "bowling for votes" was probably the best parks&rec episode ever

"this bowling alley has my favorite restaurant in pawnee" - ron